I have been inspired to blog thanks to Rube's new endeavor. I'm not sure that anything going on right now is that newsworthy, but it helps me to keep focused on my step work, for sure. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I am currently working on Step 11. This step is all about "improving my conscious contact with my Higher Power". This is coming at the perfect time, as I am in the place in my life where I am desiring to improve that contact anyway. I am working on my prayer and meditation, and have begun practicing yoga to help with this. I quit drinking coffee about three weeks ago, and switched to mostly decaf green tea. My decision to quit was brought about by the fact that I was drinking one or two POTS of coffee per day, and had developed quite an astounding addiction to coffee. Upon going to bed late one night after a particularly long and tiring day, I could not fall asleep. My entire body was vibrating from the negative energy of all the caffeine I was consuming. That was it. I quit coffee and immediately did a kidney/bladder cleanse.
I have begun running again, as I took a bit of a break following my trip to Greece. I feel much more clear headed and happy/healthy when I am running. Just wish I could find a pair of headphones for my i-pod that actually stay IN my ears during strenuous activity.
I am headed home to Peoria on Monday to visit my Grandma, "Meme", in the hospital following her stroke last week. My little brother and I are taking the journey up there. I am anxious to see her and deal with whatever comes along with seeing family.
Asking God this week what the PURPOSE to my life is. I have a list of THINGS I have always wanted to try/be/do over the course of my life, but have never really asked God what HIS purpose is for me. This is kind of where I am at with Step 11. So far it is my favourite step. I heard somebody say once that he was thankful to be an alcoholic because he had to do the steps, and take a personal inventory of his life. This was something he said that most people never do in the course of their lives, and it is fairly transformative. I, too, am thankful for that. It's tough to realize you are who you are, good and bad, and fighting it just makes it all more apparent to others.
Additionally, I have realized in the last couple of days that I have been very unforgiving of myself regarding my mistake in Colorado. My drinking and my issues led to a decision that affected quite a few families, and resulted in the loss of many friendships. The upside is that it is what ultimately led me to sobriety....it was my version of "hitting bottom". So for the past 15 months I have felt like I needed to distance myself from God as some sort of self-inflicted punishment for that mistake. Pretty ridiculous. I am ready to let it go now. I am human after all.
So here I am on this journey of clarity. Join me if you wish, but I make no promises about the outcome.
